Have you ever wanted someone or something so bad that it kept you up at night. You cried about it. Lost money over it. Relocated for it. And you thought, “if I could just have this thing or this person or situation” that your life would be perfect or you would at least be very happy most the time for the rest of your life?
Maybe you can relate, and maybe you can’t. But I bet most of you can relate.
So while we’re relating let me tell you a story about the “human bullet” I dodged. First I need to tell you a few things about my personality to help you understand why I feel the way I feel about this particular situation with this person.
I am a feminine, tomboy. If that makes any sense. In other words, I don’t enjoy doing the things most women enjoy. I hate beauty salons, getting my hair done, shopping, dresses, gossip. When I was a child I didn’t like dolls, or playing dress up or putting on makeup. But I did like cowboy and indian figurines, guns, marbles, fishing, building blocks, taking things apart and putting them back together, building club houses and forts, bb guns, boxing, sling-shots, throwing rocks, etc.
It wasn’t because I wanted to be a boy. I never wanted to be a boy. I was happy being a girl. I loved my long hair and being pretty. I loved dressing up nice and I adore pretty shoes, high heels, and nice jewelry.
Having children or getting married was never something I aspired to do. Although I did like boys and I like men. I love touching a mans chest and squeezing their muscular arms and the depth of their deep voices and strength.
There is nothing like it.
to be continued